Confrontation On The Bridge Over Tokyo Bay
by tomiaru
Summary: Seishirou and Subaru battle it out. Only sei-chan's thoughts are recorded here. Spoiler for those who haven't seen the series.


**I was bored and felt the urge to write. Don't kill me over this one, it's pure speculation, as I haven't seen Tokyo B. either, only X the series and movie ^_^ Don't worry, I'll post something that I'm familiar with soon, so I don't mangle any characters. Oh yeah, I tried for a straight here 'coz I havta see Sei and Subaru in action first before I attempt a yaoi—don't deny it, there are undertones. For the moment, I apologize to the fans who will find the botched characterization painful. Gomen in advance. Oh yeah. Feel free to review. I need the feedback. Thanks! **

**(P.S. I got the first quote from somewhere, I think it was Seishirou no Miko's site. Ergh. I'll write a disclaimer soon, after I've checked. The rest of the quotes are from X the series, Volume 8, episode 16. So if you haven't seen it, don't read this.) FYI: I dunno why I was so harsh on Subaru in this one. I actually like the guy.  ******

On the Bridge Over Tokyo Bay: Seishiro's Thoughts When Confronted By Subaru

"I don't feel anything. From a long time ago, I couldn't tell the difference between people and things. Killing someone and breaking a glass cup is the same to me. Corpses, broken items, they are all the same…"

            I meant that then. You continued to deny my words. You became happy by projecting your own emotions onto me—you say you love me? You love nothing but what you've created yourself, and deny what's right in front of you. That is because you are a child. You dream, you create the illusions that make you deliriously happy. I became yet another empty vessel, a reflection of your own idealized self. When I allowed my right eye to be destroyed, it hurt you because your image had been tampered with by someone else, and without your consent. And now look at you, struggling to come to terms with the broken mirror, with your shattered dream, with that pitiful pierced eye. Pathetic fool. Do you think that would return me to you? Do you think that would bring you closer to me? I feel nothing for you. You are nothing to me.

_"You haven't changed a bit. Still as cute as ever…" _Still as naïve as ever…and ever alone, aren't you, Subaru-kun?

            Would you have me for a brother? Would you have me replace the sister you'd cast aside so easily? But was she not another extension of you? Initially there were not one but two, and though born into the world as separate entities, you bound her to yourself. She would have been stronger, if not for you. If not for that so-called love that is a living weapon in your hands, she would have been free of you. But no, your dependency on her made her stay, your naiveté made her foolish, your image—that thin layer you have superimposed upon me to create an image of you, became her death. You escaped into the void, and it was she who was left to don your robes, your role, your life. She became you because you wished her to be, admit it, you wished to escape from yourself, the self that was nothing.

"_The Dragon of Earth's Kamui told me that your real wish is something that only I can grant…but it is something different from my own. Isn't it your wish to kill me? I'm mistaken? But it is my wish…to…kill…"_

            Weakling. Where will you run this time? Where will you hide from me, now that I've marred your fantasy, now that I've led you to the shattered remains of your mirror? Now that you can see your broken self, reflected endlessly in each infinitesimal part, what would you do? I know what you'll do: you'll turn inwards, implode into yourself yet again, and deny your cowardice, at the same time proving its existence, feeding upon it.

            If anyone lies here, it is not I but you. You are nothing. I am nothing. But my nothingness is something I embrace. You would rather hide from yours. You would rather have someone receive your anguish. You would rather have someone mourn for you, as though it weren't enough that you pity yourself

            Go on, be piteous, be guilt-ridden—you'll become more hideous to yourself. And you will suffer.

Will you destroy yourself? You cannot. And she will not let you.

"You thought you wanted me to kill you, and I had delivered the death-blow, as you would have wanted. But now you find that I am the one who is dying. It was your sister's last technique…she wanted you to live. That was what she said…that time…beneath the sakura…but you...you wanted to forget, even if it meant that I should kill you."

*Flashback*

"I know it's kind of selfish…when he had that kind of suffering that seemed like death. Even so, he must live. Though he told me that I was arrogant. But even so…I want you and Subaru to live." 

_"Why me as well? Subaru will suffer because I was the one who killed you."_

_"Yes, that's true. But I still feel that I don't want you to die. No matter how bad you become…or how many you kill…I will still like you…He is the only one who can kill you. And you are the only one who can kill him. That's why I have cast this spell. If you kill Subaru in the same way that you have killed me, that spell will be reflected upon you."_

_"Why will you tell me the meaning of your spell, when you have sacrificed your life?"_

_"It would be meaningless if I didn't tell you. Let me trust you this last time. Don't ever invoke this technique."_

_"I'm not the kind of man that you should place your trust in."_

_"I know that. But I believe in you. Don't forget. It's a sin that can't be compensated. There is no one who doesn't have an opportunity to love another. Sei-chan…"  _

*End of flashback*

She died in my arms. Her hand cupped my cheek—I felt bereft when the gentle pressure fell as her soul left her body. Because of her, I cannot let you die. Because of her, I have become something. I have become the vessel of rage; I have become bedeviled by vengeful lust. Because of her, I now feel something for a worthless thing that is you. I loathe you. I despise you. The sight of you freezes my pupils, locking the heat inside—heat burning from anger that has taken root in my heart and spread, until my whole body trembles from the fire and ice. I ache with the need to lash out. For the first time I feel the pounding of blood in my veins, and I loathe it, I loathe having to feel, I loathe the sound of that insistent pounding!pounding!pounding! It tells me you should be destroyed, because I have lost the first thing I have loved, because I have destroyed her. 

She should be here. Not you. And yet you are the last part of her that remains on this earth. And I cannot destroy you. I cannot kill her, not again.

Suffering. Despair. There is beauty in suffering. She wanted you to live, so be it. She wanted me to live as well, but I cannot. She trusted me that I would accede to her wishes. She could not have known that I too, will suffer from her death. She had little care for herself, all she thought about was you and me. But I have to take something for myself, I have to relieve something of this ache I've felt since her death before the sakura. I will watch you suffer, and it will be the last thing I will see. You will suffer by killing me.   

*Flashback*

            _"The next to become the blossom star…will be the person who kills you."_

_            "Who will kill me?"_

_            "The one who cares for you the most."_

_            "I can't have anyone who cares for me."_

_            "Long ago, I thought that way too…until the day I first met you. Sayonara, Seishirou-kun."_

_            "Sayonara, okaasan."_

*End of flashback*

            I could have killed you a long time ago. I didn't. Not then. I knew exactly where you lived, you had become my prey. And yet…I didn't. After Hokuto-chan…I couldn't. You wanted to be someone who could kill, didn't you? Why do you not smile? I smiled when I had killed my okaasan. See? I am smiling now, because you had not counted on killing me. 

_"If you thought about it, you wouldn't have the guts to kill anyone. You…it's because you…are really very kind..."_      __

            Why are you so kind to the one who hates you? Two people have loved me—but I wasn't kind to them. My mother—she was proud of the son who had taken her place. Your sister—she showed me kindness even as she bled from my hand. Why are you so kind to the one who killed your sister? You and your sister both…are too kind.

Hokuto…I couldn't grant her wish. I couldn't live, as she wanted me to. Perhaps I have really become one with you, because I wanted to die as well. Perhaps…I am the liar. What do you think, Subaru-kun? With my death…will you…die as well? Do I…really want you to die? Do I really want to make you suffer in this hell you would be left in? You…you are the one who cares for me the most. Both my okaasan and your sister cared, but it must not have been enough to kill me. Why do you care so much? I am worthless. I should not be loved. I should not…I cannot…love…   

It never occurred to me…to ask…whom I couldn't kill…

            _"Subaru-kun, I really…you…"_


End file.
